English Teacher by versebender


An English teacher walking home
From class one autumn night
Is accosted by a snarling wolf
That gives her quite a fright
“By your size and your formation,
You’re like nothing that I know”
“Werewolf,” growled the monster…
“It’s the full moon makes me so”
“A talking wolf, she cried in shock,
“That’s really quite precocious,
But Sir Wolf, I’m sad to say
Your grammar’s quite atrocious
Oh, your muscles are of sinew
And your coat shines like a mink’s
Your eyes reflect the starlight,
But your conjugation stinks!
Take no offense you wretched beast,
But I must beg your pardon
How can you say you were a wolf
When you still clearly are one?
If you choose to butcher people,
Well, it’s all the same to me,
But I just can’t let you butcher
The simple verb to be
Now if you’ll pay attention,
I’ll explain the best I can.
That when speaking in the present tense
You say a wolf I am
And if the past tense should apply,
As I’m sure sometimes it does,
You still don’t say I were a wolf
You say a wolf I was
And when looking to the future
As the full moon sets you free
Well then, my friend, it’s fair to say
A lovely wolf I’ll be
For something more exotic
Toss a participle in
The imperfect: having been a wolf…
Or the perfect: wolf I’ve been
That’s quite enough for this time
I feel you’ve done your best
Now you go home and practice,
‘Cause next time there’ll be a test!”
The creature bared its ivory fangs
And crouched down on its paws
It growled deep within its throat
And spread its awful jaws
“Wait! I am, I am a teacher”
She cried to the charging cur
He gobbled her, then licked his chops,
And said “You mean you were!”

Author versebender

If you are looking for splendid poems which will make you laugh with all your heart read this blog. Very frankly I am bowled over by the expertise with which these poems are written. I have not met a wittier, funnier person. This one is one of my favourites.


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